whitebutterfliesblog

It is Saturday morning. A day I have been looking forward to since last Sunday. Life has been on the high spin cycle for a while now and although I recognize I have been operating at a pace that is not sustainable and doesn’t feel good, my Wonder Woman suit does not allow me to stop.

My therapist had told me years ago that I am a self made woman. Nothing could be more true. However, my fierce strength, will and determination to create an abundant life leaves me exhausted. I am powerful and strong. I can do more than most are willing to do, want to do, or are able to do. But this strength and unwavering ability to hold it all together is my nemesis at the same time. Although my last blog post was about being masterful at being still, my body might not be moving, but my mind is going at the pace of a thousand thoroughbreds.

Today, I would love to say to my family, Mommy needs a time out. At the same time, it is one of the last weekends of summer and one of the first weekends we have had together, as a family, at home. Home. Where I love to be. My beautiful home. My home that has dog hair fluff balls drifting along our hardwood floors. My home that has sticky spots on our kitchen floor where one of the children spilled some sugary item but did not clean it up and now we have walked over it, on it and around it for weeks. My home that has plants to be watered, weeds to be pulled, and a laundry list of other “to-do’s” that don’t get done and pile up when Mommy takes a “time out”.

What would my ideal “time out” look like on a beautiful summer day without any of the “to-do’s” racing through my mind like a herd of buffalo? Yoga to start. Writing in my journal. Meditating. Massage. Pedicure. A hike. Alone. A clean house that I didn’t clean. Meals that I didn’t have to buy or prepare or clean up. Wandering mindlessly through stores with no time constraints and the sense that I can spend money rather than thinking that if I buy something, it will need to be returned from guilt over spending money that should be saved for a rainy day or my children’s education.

My day would include lying on my chaise lounge, reading my book. Feeling my skin warmed by the rays of the sun. After reading, I could take a nap. It would be lovely to conclude the day with a bath and a good movie. A movie that makes me smile on the inside rather than stressing me out or making me worry.

How will my day end up looking? I will spend my day busy. Busy focused on finding activities that will keep the kids entertained and engaged. Working on projects around the house that have gone undone for the past two months since we have been traveling. Doing errands. Spending some time outside. Walking the dog to make sure she is taken care of. Paying attention to the needs of the home, clients, work, Chris, Rosie, Toothless, the children or any others in my life. And although all of that still fills me up and makes me happy, it is not the same as filling my own cup so I can be sure that I am able to give more of myself in these moments with those that I love and adore.

It is all this busyness that I need to slow down or to take a shorter “time out” from to dig deep. To become more intentional about how it is I am spending my time i.e. my life. To figure a way to find more joy for me. To stop doing a job that leaves me empty and unfulfilled. To delegate more so life feels more like the adventure it should be rather than a constant chore. I need Wonder Woman to learn how to Do Less. I need Wonder Woman to put her strength and power into living my best life, not just a busy life.