whitebutterfliesblog

My desire to blog stems from my journey and transformation into Motherhood.  As a little girl, I loved all the stereotypical “girl” things.  It was rare to find me without a Barbie Doll.  My favorite movies were Annie, Wizard of Oz, Sound of Music, and Gone with the Wind.  I am a true romantic at heart and love anything that involves singing and dancing.  I love crafting, gardening, cooking, and entertaining (even though I would never claim to be any kind of Martha Stewart and I am a clumsy follower of Pinterest).

But, I was raised by my Mother who is anything but girly and is the living definition of a feminist.  I was not allowed to be a cheerleader because I wasn’t going to cheer “some boy” on to do a sport.  I had to do the sport myself and let others cheer me on.  Granted, this sage advice has helped me become a strong, independent woman however, it felt like I was pushed into a world of taking on masculine traits that didn’t quite fit the core of who I am.

Sometimes I have wished that I was born in the 1930’s so by the time I became a Mother, I could fall into the “traditional” female or feminine role in the family.  It may have saved me a fair amount of money on college and a Masters Degree.  Maybe I wouldn’t have felt conflicted about “who” I am as a woman, wife and Mother.   Perhaps I wouldn’t feel like I am a recovering “corporate” businesswoman, learning to reclaim my feminine side and soften the edges that formed as a businesswoman.  However, I would not have the wit and intellect to be the Mother I am today if I did not have the opportunity to receive the education I earned.

Growing up, I was asked, as all of us were, “what do you want to be when you grow up?”.  Responding, “a Mother” was a given.  Of course, you will grow up, get married (find your prince charming) and have (the most perfect) babies but what will you “BE”?!  And so that question sets the course for the rest of our lives.  It is defined and redefined almost daily.  Defined by how we choose to show up everyday to the people in our lives and redefined by how we hope to be an even better version of ourselves than we were the day before.  Defined by the circumstances that the world presents to us and redefined by how we choose to respond to the universe.

I consider myself, and all the women of my generation, to be white butterflies.  White because we represent beauty, innocence, peace, and purity.  Butterflies because we are continually transforming our roles and how we are defined by our parents, our spouses, our children and society as a whole.  We were born into an era where we were told we could “have it all” and could be a great Mother, wife, and business person while maintaining our sense of self and sanity.  Personally, I feel like we were handed a bill of goods.  As much as I am grateful to the woman before me, whose shoulders I stand on with my individual rights and freedoms as a woman, I am conflicted by what has transpired into an immense weight we now bear to be and do everything.  I am puzzled that we live in a country where we honor the family unit yet our government and businesses don’t provide maternity or paternity leaves that even compare to third world countries.  The hypocrisy that exists between Mothers who “work” and Mothers who “don’t work”.  Never have I met a Mother who is not working her ass off no matter whether it’s in the home or in some paid vocation.

So, perhaps, as I unearth my victories, joys, sorrows, challenges, triumphs, and defeats in the ever-evolving world of being a woman, you will read and write along with me.  I Trust that the Universe will guide me gently in my own experience and will guide my daughter and future generations toward a better way of having it all.